A term I keep seeing popping up in my baby related research binges is "the birth plan" and I think it's worth noting that while some things are in my control, very much is in the hands of the little being who seems to be calling all the shots. So how much planning can one actually do?
My "plan" so far is a simple one:
1) Get baby out safely.
2) Achieve #1 with assistance of pain killers, preferably an epidural (and, while I'm on this topic, I'd like it to be administered around 4-5 centimeters.)
3) Forceps are absolutely forbidden from going anywhere near my downstairs area or my baby's delicate skull.
4) Vacuum is okay, if necessary only.
5) C-section is acceptable if necessary to avoid #3 and potentially #4, which I'm not sure how I feel about just yet.
6) Leave all of baby's first medical needs up to the doctors/nurses unless they hand her to me for feeding/cuddling right away.
7) Trust medical staff to look after baby and mommy (apart from above mentioned forceps usage. No.)
That's pretty much what I have right now. I am contemplating asking for a maternity ward tour (if they allow that kind of thing) because I would like to know a few less important details, such as:
1) Do the lights dim, and if not can I bring a lamp? Bright florescent lights hurt my brain & soul quite deeply. Yuck.
2) Can I have soft music playing?
3) Can I have my cherished heating pad with me?
4) Can hubby and I watch Netflix?? Can we even use the internet?
5) Can I bring my Scentsy? I'm a lover of aromatherapy.
So yea, not very important stuff (except my heating pad!!!) but things I'd like to be aware of ahead of time. When it comes to the important choices I'm mostly happy to do what I'm told. I don't mind being induced or having to use drugs or potentially having a cesarean. If things get complicated I certainly don't want to complicate things further by being a difficult patient.
I know for sure that I don't want to have rigid rules laid out, because 9 times out of 10 (just pulling that number out of the air, don't quote me on that) your carefully laid plans go out the window and you're left feeling helpless and lost. I'd rather not have much disappointment on that day, especially since it's going to be difficult even with drugs. So - an open ended plan is my plan.
A quick note about my decision to have an epidural - yes, I've researched it. So before you go a'ranting, read:
No, it won't hurt the baby or myself.
No, it will not "give" the baby Cerebral Palsy (seriously???)
No, I'm not being selfish by opting for an epidural. Pushing out a baby seems awfully ouchie.
No, epidurals do not slow down labour, nor do they increase my chances of having a cesarean.
No, really they don't.
No, I'd rather not experience everything that birth has to offer.
No, I don't really care that I won't be able to get out of bed, nor do I care that pushing could be harder if I can't feel what I'm doing. Major Chapeaus off to you ladies who do it au naturel. That's not going to be me though, if I can help it.
It's surprising how many women are chastised for going the epi-route. You'd think it would be best to support each other in our decisions and applaud any choice that involves bringing a child into the world. After all, we did have to fight for our right to have a voice - we shouldn't be finding fault with what each other chooses. And child birth is HARD. Let's not be judgey!
Anyway, I'm sure my non-plan will progress as my due date gets nearer. I'll update Peter Lougheed Centre maternity policies when I find out more, in case others are wondering. I've looked and can't find any info!
Monday, June 30, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
27 Weeks - Goodbye 2nd Trimester!
This is the last week of the 2nd trimester! Hooray! One more (long) trimester to go! Do you know that that means? It means holy crap; I have 3 months until baby is here!
It coincidentally also means:
Holy CRAP; I have 3 months until baby is HERE.
Guess who doesn't feel very prepared? I don't yet have a crib (mom and dad are taking us crib shopping sometime in July, so that will ease some of my concerns. Better buy some bedding too, just in case she decides to be early.) I also need a dresser which I'll buy at the same time as crib shopping. I also need a changing pad (I'm just going to use the top of the dresser as the changing table. At least temporarily.)
Thanks to some awesome friends I have a car seat and stroller, oodles of cute baby clothes, soothers, and swaddler-pouch thingies. I also have warm stuff for her in case it's cold when she's born, so that's good. I need a baby bath still. And a mobile and sound machine. And a moby wrap. And you know... things like diapers. No big deal.
Maybe I'll just buy some diapers today to keep my sanity.
This, by the way, is something that men simply do not understand. That babies need STUFF. They just can't see it. What's up with that?
I think once I at least have those basic items (and basic toiletry items) I'll feel more prepared. Thank goodness I washed all the clothes and arranged them by size like a month ago. That should make my life slightly easier.
As to pregnancy, I'm still uncomfortable and have accepted that it's just going to be like this, or worse, as the next few months creep by. Yay. However I am renewed by the idea that this is basically the home stretch now - she's coming, she's mine, and I love her so much already. It'll be fine. We'll work out a system and we'll be the best parents we can be and she'll be loved. That's the most important thing. We will be far, far from perfect, but she'll be loved.
How far along?: 27 weeks
Baby is the size of a: Rutabaga
Total weight gain/loss: 22 lbs
The Bump: Growing steadily now
Symptoms/How I'm feeling: Stabby pains. Random bruising from particularly powerful kicks. Emotionally feeling okay though.
Food Cravings/Aversions: None
Sleep: Restless. But hip pain has been non-existent this week!
Weddings Rings On or Off: On
Exercise: Walking.
Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes. Not telling too many people before she's born on the unlikely chance that we change it.
Gender: Girl!
Movement: She's been very active the last couple of days - it's distracting!
Maternity Clothes: 100% (besides yoga pants)
Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks. Interesting, though not painful.
What I miss: General movement and feeling "normal."
Best Moment of the Week: Nothing in particular sticks out.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to: Looking forward to my next appointment in a week. I'm curious about her size, estimated weight and what that means for my delivery. Also excited about crib shopping!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
26 Weeks - 14 Weeks To Go!
14 weeks. Four. Teen. I think I prefer the count down to what's left to the accumulation of weeks I've gone through (26 weeks sounds so horribly "you're-just-maybe-slightly-past-middle-not-even-close-to-the-end" as opposed to "14 weeks to go! Woo Hoo!")
While I'm very tired of being pregnant, I've been ever-so-slightly renewed after hearing a couple stories about premature births - some that took place before the 26-weeks-14-weeks-to-go mark - and realized that while I'm very uncomfortable, it's really not about me. It's about this little person who's living inside me, who's depending on me - who really, truly needs me. She needs me to quit being a baby so that she can be a big, chubby, beautiful healthy baby.
And with that realization came gratitude. I am lucky to be uncomfortable, to be stretched and squashed and prodded and kicked. I'm lucky to attend medical appointments and get stuck with needles and be forced to drink orange flavored motor oil concoctions and any other measures to keep my little girl safe. I'm lucky to not have my baby snatched from her safe and comfortable den long before she's ready, only to be hooked up to monitors and beeping machines for the first few weeks of her life. I only hope that I continue to be lucky so that she doesn't experience that and instead is placed immediately into my arms and pronounced healthy and hearty.
Sometimes through the discomfort and emotional turbulence that can come with pregnancy, it's hard to keep sight of that fact. I don't know what I did to deserve being so lucky, but I'm glad I've been deemed worthy enough to be a Mom to this boisterous little being inside me.
And boisterous she is! I believe, according to what I've been reading, that I do have a more active than usual baby (I'm sure every new mom says that but judging by how much I'm feeling paired with my careful research, I think it's safe to make that claim.) I'm happy about that fact because her active hours actually seem to be taking place at a perfectly normal time, and not in the middle of the night - that I can tell, anyway. Here's hoping that I'll have a happy, kicky baby who is more than capable of soothing herself when she enters the big, scary world. That may be wishful thinking but she's been perfectly accommodating so far (in terms of being very showy during ultrasounds and remaining safe and happy and even sparing me the pain of morning sickness) and that's an excellent sign I think.
While I'm very tired of being pregnant, I've been ever-so-slightly renewed after hearing a couple stories about premature births - some that took place before the 26-weeks-14-weeks-to-go mark - and realized that while I'm very uncomfortable, it's really not about me. It's about this little person who's living inside me, who's depending on me - who really, truly needs me. She needs me to quit being a baby so that she can be a big, chubby, beautiful healthy baby.
And with that realization came gratitude. I am lucky to be uncomfortable, to be stretched and squashed and prodded and kicked. I'm lucky to attend medical appointments and get stuck with needles and be forced to drink orange flavored motor oil concoctions and any other measures to keep my little girl safe. I'm lucky to not have my baby snatched from her safe and comfortable den long before she's ready, only to be hooked up to monitors and beeping machines for the first few weeks of her life. I only hope that I continue to be lucky so that she doesn't experience that and instead is placed immediately into my arms and pronounced healthy and hearty.
Sometimes through the discomfort and emotional turbulence that can come with pregnancy, it's hard to keep sight of that fact. I don't know what I did to deserve being so lucky, but I'm glad I've been deemed worthy enough to be a Mom to this boisterous little being inside me.
And boisterous she is! I believe, according to what I've been reading, that I do have a more active than usual baby (I'm sure every new mom says that but judging by how much I'm feeling paired with my careful research, I think it's safe to make that claim.) I'm happy about that fact because her active hours actually seem to be taking place at a perfectly normal time, and not in the middle of the night - that I can tell, anyway. Here's hoping that I'll have a happy, kicky baby who is more than capable of soothing herself when she enters the big, scary world. That may be wishful thinking but she's been perfectly accommodating so far (in terms of being very showy during ultrasounds and remaining safe and happy and even sparing me the pain of morning sickness) and that's an excellent sign I think.
How far along?: 26 weeks
Baby is the size of a: Head of Lettuce - a little note here as I creep closer to the end of my 2nd trimester: she's roughly 2lbs now. Her eyes are starting to open and is still developing her lungs. Her hearing is nearly fully developed. She is putting on some fat, is more aware of and is learning to use her hands and can even hiccup (which I can apparently feel!)
Total weight gain/loss: 20lbs still - something I am glad about as I believe I have been advised not to gain more than 25. I was worried earlier because she's just going to get bigger and the weight should be coming on but I think my eating habits have changed now (smaller portions due to having no room for normal portions) so the weight has stopped piling on. We'll see what happens!
The Bump: I definitely look bigger this week. I've never seen my body like this before, it's alarming!
Symptoms/How I'm feeling: I often have these sharp, stabbing pains in my upper abs but I believe it's just nerve pain. No other interesting symptoms.
Food Cravings/Aversions: None, and the juice cravings are gone too. I do want to have something - anything - besides water and still can't stomach milk too often. I'm glad some of the cravings have gone though because it's easier to focus on what I need to be eating.
Sleep: Restless. I can't switch off. I've read that's normal. I don't feel too deprived though - still functioning!
Weddings Rings On or Off: On
Exercise: Walking. Stretching.
Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes. Not telling too many people before she's born on the unlikely chance that we change it.
Gender: Girl!
Movement: Much more rolly-poly in there. I've had a couple punches or kicks that kind of hurt too, but nothing too painful.
Maternity Clothes: 100% (besides yoga pants)
Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks - definitely started feeling them this week. Interesting, though not painful.
What I miss: I miss being able to get off the couch without needing help!
Best Moment of the Week: Just feeling her movements. It's pretty incredible.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to: Last week I mentioned that I was looking forward to another ultrasound but found out that it's unlikely (unless something is wrong) that I'll have another. So that's a bummer. But I do love hearing her heart beat and really, any chance to talk about my little girl, even if it's at the doctor's, is a good thing. I am definitely looking forward to meeting her and to seeing my husband with her.
Friday, June 13, 2014
25 Weeks - I have HOW many weeks left??
My lovely OBGYN has deemed my due date to be one day later than initially thought, which put me into a tiny depression. A day is just a day after all but I am just SO. DAMN. TIRED.
Tired of being big and being told "just wait, you're going to get SO huge!!!!"
Tired of having to watch what I eat and wonder if little bubs is getting everything her tiny body needs.
Tired of leaving a ridiculous space between me and the car in front of me when I'm driving because a car accident with this belly seems fatal to wee one.
Tired of peeing a little when I sneeze really hard.
Tired of pregnancy related woes in general.
Yes, I'm whining. I realize that I'm being a child about this whole thing but it just got to me last night - I have several more months of this and, as people are so delightedly telling me, it just gets worse as time goes on. I'm concerned that doc told me Baby is measuring long, and that I'll probably have a large baby, coupled with people telling me that I'll probably deliver late. I would prefer not to give birth to a toddler, after all. Couldn't I just give birth to a baby on time, and have her a healthy (less painful) size? Is that possible?
Her feisty little kicks and jabs tell me no, that she's just going to be monstrous (and hopefully monstrously adorable and healthy.) I'm grateful to be pregnant, don't get me wrong - I have friends who are struggling and I realize how very, VERY lucky we are to have an easy-going pregnancy when there are those who would love to be in my shoes. But sometimes I just want to stick out my bottom lip and have a pregnant temper tantrum. I think the main issue is not the physical discomfort of pregnancy, but the emotional discomfort of it. I'm not myself, I feel no connection to myself - I'm really just a vessel for this little person, who I love, but the emotional pain of pregnancy is excruciating at times. I didn't account for feeling that way when I got pregnant.
And then sometimes, when I get a little kick or she does a flip in there, I am very happy to be pregnant. It goes by quickly, or so I'm told. And this may be the only time I'm ever pregnant, so I should try to enjoy it. It's just hard to remember the very important purpose behind all of this, and that is that when it's all over, I'll have a beautiful little girl to snuggle and love and raise and she'll be my whole world. I just hope that I can retain some of my old "sense of self" that I used to have; something I honestly never realized how much I actually cared about.
I'm sure it is a feeling that will come and go, thanks to hormones!
And as promised, here is the bumpdate:
Tired of being big and being told "just wait, you're going to get SO huge!!!!"
Tired of having to watch what I eat and wonder if little bubs is getting everything her tiny body needs.
Tired of leaving a ridiculous space between me and the car in front of me when I'm driving because a car accident with this belly seems fatal to wee one.
Tired of peeing a little when I sneeze really hard.
Tired of pregnancy related woes in general.
Yes, I'm whining. I realize that I'm being a child about this whole thing but it just got to me last night - I have several more months of this and, as people are so delightedly telling me, it just gets worse as time goes on. I'm concerned that doc told me Baby is measuring long, and that I'll probably have a large baby, coupled with people telling me that I'll probably deliver late. I would prefer not to give birth to a toddler, after all. Couldn't I just give birth to a baby on time, and have her a healthy (less painful) size? Is that possible?
Her feisty little kicks and jabs tell me no, that she's just going to be monstrous (and hopefully monstrously adorable and healthy.) I'm grateful to be pregnant, don't get me wrong - I have friends who are struggling and I realize how very, VERY lucky we are to have an easy-going pregnancy when there are those who would love to be in my shoes. But sometimes I just want to stick out my bottom lip and have a pregnant temper tantrum. I think the main issue is not the physical discomfort of pregnancy, but the emotional discomfort of it. I'm not myself, I feel no connection to myself - I'm really just a vessel for this little person, who I love, but the emotional pain of pregnancy is excruciating at times. I didn't account for feeling that way when I got pregnant.
And then sometimes, when I get a little kick or she does a flip in there, I am very happy to be pregnant. It goes by quickly, or so I'm told. And this may be the only time I'm ever pregnant, so I should try to enjoy it. It's just hard to remember the very important purpose behind all of this, and that is that when it's all over, I'll have a beautiful little girl to snuggle and love and raise and she'll be my whole world. I just hope that I can retain some of my old "sense of self" that I used to have; something I honestly never realized how much I actually cared about.
I'm sure it is a feeling that will come and go, thanks to hormones!
And as promised, here is the bumpdate:
How far along?: 25 weeks, 1 day
Baby is the size of a: Acorn Squash
Total weight gain/loss: 20lbs still
The Bump: I keep getting told that I look bigger, but I don't think I grew too much this week.
Symptoms/How I'm feeling: Just feeling very pregnant. Feeling.... less like a person and more like a house, and that is difficult sometimes.
Food Cravings/Aversions: None, but I'm trying to eat less crap! I would like to crave things like fruit and veggies but I'm not not interested. I'd almost put those under the aversions category.
Sleep: Not too bad actually. Besides a little heartburn.
Weddings Rings On or Off: On
Exercise: Walking.
Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes - we have one or two we really like. Will reveal when she comes!
Gender: Girl!
Movement: Increases every week! She's doing fancier things now, it really catches me off guard sometimes.
Maternity Clothes: Yep. No turning back now!
Labor Signs: None yet, but I read that I may start experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions this early! I don't know why that is exciting but it is!
What I miss: Same as always - I just miss my body being my own (and one that I recognize!)
Best Moment of the Week: Feeling a weird little somersault she did. She's really growing!
What I’m excited about/looking forward to: I'm not sure when it will be but I want to get another ultrasound! I am looking forward to seeing her again.
Monday, June 9, 2014
24.5 Weeks - Baby is Trying to Escape Out of My Bellybutton
This little girl of mine sure is active. I'm sure it's perfectly normal activity at this stage but it's quite distracting. Sometimes, as the title suggests, it feels like she's trying to escape out the bellybutton. Wrong way little monkey! Although please do refrain from any escape until it's safe enough for you to do so.
She's kicking pretty hard, too - sometimes I can see my belly move. She still hasn't been very helpful with kicking when her Dad is in the room, however. I know over the next few weeks her kicks will get strong and happen more often though so I'm sure he'll have the chance soon! The other night she was kicking up a storm as I lay in bed so I called Jared to the room, who placed a hand on my belly only to have her stop until the moment he left the room again. He figures he has a calming effect on Baby!
Still feeling pretty darned uncomfortable. This pain in my right ab/rib is nerve pain, I have learned, and will probably cause irritation for the rest of the pregnancy. That's okay. It's not too bad, except when it feels like I'm being stabbed. I know there are things that are much worse. I just wish that for a time I could take off this pregnant belly and set it aside for some time. That would be cool...
So far I'm feeling pretty happy with my open ended birth plan. I know that having rigid plans often ends up in disappointment and I really don't want much about that day to be disappointing. I'll just have to roll with it and see what the little one is going to do, and that's just how it's going to work. From reading all the birth stories though, it seems like people end up getting into trouble when they don't time their contractions and they ignore their gut when the contractions are 2 - 3 minutes apart consistently. I think your body is going to be sending signals - sure, some will be wrong - but those signals should be acknowledged nonetheless. I am quite certain that come the day I give birth, I'll have no idea what's what. But I will try not to ignore what my body is telling me, either. Thankfully I live close to the hospital so if we get sent home a couple times, it's really not a HUGE deal.
I went to my first OBGYN appointment and had Dr. Lewis, who was very pleasant and answered many of my questions. She measured baby (who is long, though she said that's no surprise considering Jared is 6'4") and I got to hear her heartbeat again - yay! She's very wriggly, Dr said, and we were both surprised that I didn't feel it! It sounds as though baby is frequently facing the back, so I wouldn't be feeling too many kicks.
She's kicking pretty hard, too - sometimes I can see my belly move. She still hasn't been very helpful with kicking when her Dad is in the room, however. I know over the next few weeks her kicks will get strong and happen more often though so I'm sure he'll have the chance soon! The other night she was kicking up a storm as I lay in bed so I called Jared to the room, who placed a hand on my belly only to have her stop until the moment he left the room again. He figures he has a calming effect on Baby!
Still feeling pretty darned uncomfortable. This pain in my right ab/rib is nerve pain, I have learned, and will probably cause irritation for the rest of the pregnancy. That's okay. It's not too bad, except when it feels like I'm being stabbed. I know there are things that are much worse. I just wish that for a time I could take off this pregnant belly and set it aside for some time. That would be cool...
So far I'm feeling pretty happy with my open ended birth plan. I know that having rigid plans often ends up in disappointment and I really don't want much about that day to be disappointing. I'll just have to roll with it and see what the little one is going to do, and that's just how it's going to work. From reading all the birth stories though, it seems like people end up getting into trouble when they don't time their contractions and they ignore their gut when the contractions are 2 - 3 minutes apart consistently. I think your body is going to be sending signals - sure, some will be wrong - but those signals should be acknowledged nonetheless. I am quite certain that come the day I give birth, I'll have no idea what's what. But I will try not to ignore what my body is telling me, either. Thankfully I live close to the hospital so if we get sent home a couple times, it's really not a HUGE deal.
I went to my first OBGYN appointment and had Dr. Lewis, who was very pleasant and answered many of my questions. She measured baby (who is long, though she said that's no surprise considering Jared is 6'4") and I got to hear her heartbeat again - yay! She's very wriggly, Dr said, and we were both surprised that I didn't feel it! It sounds as though baby is frequently facing the back, so I wouldn't be feeling too many kicks.
How far along?: 24.5 weeks
Baby is the size of a: Cantaloupe
Total weight gain/loss: 20lbs (5 less than before??)
The Bump: Popped again - I'm feeling rather stretched!
Symptoms/How I'm feeling: Hmmm. I'm feeling uncomfortable but I'm starting to get used to the discomfort, so I feel pretty okay.
Food Cravings/Aversions: Really nothing. If I had to say I was craving something, I'd say protein. And ice.
Sleep: Not too bad actually. Besides a little heartburn.
Weddings Rings On or Off: On
Exercise: Walking. Started some strength training as well in preparation for the marathon that is giving birth. I've also been feeling super flabby and have been hoping to gain some strength again.
Any Names Picked Out Yet: Names I like and names he likes are not really jiving together very well. We still don't have a name that I feel fits her.
Gender: Girl!
Movement: Lots more. She's currently doing aerobics or something in there. Very wiggly, especially after I eat.
Maternity Clothes: Yep. No turning back now!
Labor Signs: None yet, but I read that I may start experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions this early! I don't know why that is exciting but it is!
What I miss: Seeing my feet. Fitting through doorways. Not opening doors into my belly. This week I've missed sleeping on my back or stomach. Mostly I miss not being pregnant! I know it's going to be worth it but it's not the best time of my life right now. I'm a house and that's uncomfortable!
Best Moment of the Week: Organizing the baby clothes by size and folding them. FYI, baby clothes are tiny and weird to fold! I put them in marked bags for now until I get my super IKEA dresser, which is exciting.
What I’m excited about/looking forward to: Just going forward! I'm finally taking care of all things baby related and that makes it pretty real to me. I am looking forward to getting the baby room all done!
I *promise* to post a bumpdate pic next time.
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