38 Weeks - Birth Is Looming (Also Terrifying)

I have spent a few days talking to my Mom about my fear of the birth, which suddenly seems very soon and very scary. I've been trying to keep positive about it but it really does scare me. I can only imagine what I would be feeling had I chosen a drug free birth!

What scares me? The pain, obviously. I am also concerned about the Baby. You just have no idea what can happen during delivery, do you? And the negative person inside me (who admittedly sometimes speaks a little louder than the positive person) is concerned that these last nine months have lead to something bad. Which is terrible because instead of worrying I should be enjoying it. But I think there's just too much information out there these days; too many stories of what can go wrong, too many sad endings. That, and I worked for a Government department that dealt exclusively with childhood disabilities for about six years, and let me tell you, that doesn't do much for the sanity of an expectant mother.

I'm trying to combat these negative thoughts with positive ones. Thoughts like, I get to hold my baby soon. I get to see who she looks more like. I get to see what colour her hair is and if she has dimples. I get to try nursing and I get to dress her in her sleeper for the first time. I get to try out all the baby stuff I got.

I get to be a mother.

I do believe in the power of positive thinking, and I have so many well wishers in my life that I'm sure the positivity will drown out the negativity.

So here I am with just a couple of weeks left to go. I'm feeling pretty beat up, both physically and mentally. Physically, because I'm literally being beaten from the inside by my daughter's tiny fists, knees, elbows and feet. She's squirming around and as we're both out of space, it hurts. I can feel it in my back now as well. I am also feeling the effects of frequent contractions - it's like I've been doing sit ups day and night!

Mentally, because Oh. My. Goodness. I am so tired. So emotionally exhausted. I can't seem to sleep lately because I just can't settle in and relax. I also have really bad heart burn, which means I basically can't lie down. And getting up to pee every 2 minutes doesn't exactly allow for a decent rest. So I'm really looking forward to having a week off and trying to get in as much rest as I possibly can before she comes, because I'll need that energy for the birth and afterwards!

Bumpdate:

How far along?: 38 weeks

Baby is the size of a(n): Pumpkin, apparently?!

Total weight gain/loss:  35 lbs 

The Bump: Large! People do love to comment on how big they think the baby will be. 

Symptoms/How I'm feeling: A lot of pressure everywhere. Tired, achy. The usual. It's all okay though, she's on her way.

Food Cravings/Aversions: Nothing new, really. Just trying to get enough food in general.

Sleep: So many issues with sleeping right now I'm not even going to go into detail: heartburn, nausea, back pain, hip pain, lung capacity issues, restless legs. I'm glad I have a week off.

Weddings Rings On or Off: Off. 

Exercise: Walking, or waddling as it is. Still moving though. Very, very slow.

Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes! TBA at birth.

Gender: Girl!

Movement: Still feeling it every day, which is good. I'm keeping a much closer eye on it right now. I was mildly concerned last night but she started kicking a lot so that eased my concerns.

Maternity Clothes: 100% (besides yoga pants) and some of them just aren't cutting it anymore!

Labor Signs: A few. Stronger BH contractions. I can feel her moving down a bit. Nothing telling, however. Every little symptom I get, I Google. And Google just tells me that labour is imminent. No specifics.

What I miss: Sleeping! I'm so uncomfortable! Plus, just movement in general is getting harder as the weeks go on. And wine. I miss wine, especially since it snowed here and there's just something about coming in out of the snow to a nice glass of wine.

Best Moment of the Week: My shower! It was good to see people and now I have a very clear idea about what I need. My baby room is looking a little cramped - I have to organize everything now, and had planned to this weekend but after vacuuming and steam cleaning the carpet, I was pooped! I think that will be my task during my week off.

What I’m excited about/looking forward to: Baby day! It's getting closer! I'm looking forward to not being pregnant and getting into a (sort of) routine with hubby and baby. Feeling a little in transition right now, and that's not something I do well. I need my life back!