Lately my brain has been going back and forth between two main thoughts:
1) "I'm so done with being pregnant!"
2) "I'm so not ready to have a baby!"
The first thought is pretty understandable - I miss my body being my own, and am feeling very uncomfortable and can't possibly imagine it getting worse (even though I know it will.) The second thought is the scarier one. I was all set to give birth and have the baby until I remembered what a responsibility it is to have a baby. It's not just about having the stuff, like the crib and diapers, etc. It's about having a baby to look after. I'm not ready! Except that I know I actually am, deep down, and when she arrives it will be difficult but I will love her so much that it will be doable. I know this because logic. But mentally, I'm freaking. Mentally, I'm still 16 and dumb and immature and still laugh at fart jokes. Mentally, I'm not a Mom. But I will be. That's some scary sh*t.
I know every new mom feels this way, so that helps. Being in the normal bracket feels good. Not to mention, I'm not doing it alone. I have a wonderful husband and loving family and friends, and that makes a pretty big difference. This little baby is going to be so loved.
How far along?: 29 weeks
Baby is the size of a(n): Acorn squash
Total weight gain/loss: 25 lbs and holding
The Bump: Growing very much outward, not so much sideways so that's good.
Symptoms/How I'm feeling: Stabby pains which seem to be permanent. Sciatic and general back pain. #lovemyheatingpad #neverhashtaggedinablogpostbefore
Food Cravings/Aversions: Twix bars and Orange Juice. I've been diluting the juice with sparkling water to reduce the sugar and hopefully reduce the size of baby in the end, so that I don't give birth to a toddler. (Recommendation of Doctor.) Also, fried chicken.
Sleep: Restless. Some hip pain in the mornings. It's been hot here (though no complaints from me, I love heat) so sleeping has been a little rough. I can't explain the restlessness. I get a lot of heartburn at night so that explains part of it but just not being able to get comfortable is keeping me awake. I used to be a 10pm snoozer, relishing in that nice long deep sleep, but the last few weeks I'm lucky if I even get into bed before midnight. I just can't do it!
Weddings Rings On or Off: On - it's hot though, so I'm swelling a bit. I'll take them off if I start to worry.
Exercise: Walking. Resistance band exercises - started, but not nearly enough. Feeling very, very fat these days actually, but I know I'm not, really. I don't think.
Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes! TBA at birth.
Gender: Girl!
Movement: I now have a fetal movement chart to track her movements. She's so far quite active. I actually see kicks now, and sometimes she moves into a weird position and morphs my beach ball belly into a football belly. Weirdo.
Maternity Clothes: 100% (besides yoga pants) It's Stampede Week here and this I'm finally spared the "where's your western garb?" questions because of the maternity clothes. Truthfully, I don't have anything westerny anyway, because I, like... hate it...
Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks. Sometimes a bit painful... kind of like someone is grabbing and squeezing/twisting a section of my uterus. Real contractions sound scary, especially now.
What I miss: General movement and feeling "normal." I miss my flat belly. Deli meat. Wine. Walking without getting a stitch. Sleeping on my back/stomach. Being able to get up and down without needing a forklift.
Best Moment of the Week: Jared FINALLY feeling a kick - his face lit up and he said "whoa - that was weird."
What I’m excited about/looking forward to: Meeting her. Nothing else is really sticking out right now as that's all I can focus on. Honestly, at this stage what else CAN I look forward to? I can't go do anything fun because of sciatic pain/joint pain/bladder issues/take-your-pick.
Okay fine - here's something. I'm looking forward to the oreo cookies I intend to consume this evening after work. :)
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