This post comes to you after months of hearing repeated phrases such as:
- "Wow you're already so BIG!"
- "Are you sure you're not having twins?"
- "Do you have any idea how much sugar/sodium/fat is in that delicious something-or-other you are about to consume?" paired with --
- "Make sure you get enough protein/fibre/iron!"
- "Aren't you not allowed to drink coffee?"
- "Did you research epidurals before you planned to have one? They have been proven to <insert ridiculous 'facts' here.>"
and, my favourite:
- "You absolutely have to have another one after this one!"
Allow me to address some of these in greater detail.
"Wow you're already so BIG!"
Thanks! Wait... is that a compliment? Also, no not already. I'm 7 months pregnant. I'm the right size for where I'm at. Why do people say this? Is it to inform you that, in case you didn't notice, you are getting rather large? I figured that out on my own when I could no longer see my feet or sit down like a normal human being. Thanks.
"Are you sure you're not having twins?"
...Well aren't you dear. Isn't this a lot like asking a heavier set person if they're sure they didn't accidentally eat two dinners instead of one? I know, I know, it's just shocking at how large a person can get. But honestly, this is often followed by "ultrasounds can be wrong you know!" Not at this point, no. Sorry, but no. And I can feel one baby in there. To insinuate that I look big enough to be carrying twins when there's just one is just plain hurtful - I mean, have you seen how big a person carrying twins gets? Big enough that I wouldn't point it out to them, that's for sure. For my own safety.
"Do you have any idea how much sugar/sodium/fat is in that delicious something-or-other you are about to consume?"
Uh, no I don't. But SURPRISE! It's not going to stop me from eating it. A speeding bus careening out of control in my direction couldn't stop me from eating it, understand? Also, please don't assume that I spend every meal eating poorly, as you actually don't see what I consume on a daily basis. Also, if the meal I'm consuming against your advice contains veggies or protein or anything good along with the sugar/sodium/fat, consider the baby lucky, because all I actually want to eat is Twix bars and cookies.
"Make sure you get enough protein/fibre/iron!"
Yea... thanks. So basically, make sure you eat "food." Interestingly enough, this is not a new concept and it's not lost on me. I have this fancy-schmancy thing called a "doctor" -- you may have heard of this before -- who tells me if I need to eat more of something or if I'm eating too much of something. It's an amazing service they provide...
"Aren't you not allowed to drink coffee?"
If I wasn't "allowed" to drink coffee, don't you think I would be aware of that? Again, see the above comment about the doctor. The most insulting thing about this type of question is that it makes it sound as though you think I'm really stupid and/or don't care about the little person I have created inside me. I have asked my doctor(s) multiple questions, called Healthlink on a near daily basis at times, and Googled so many questions that my browser's ads all have to do with babies and how to keep them healthy. I have literally thought of nothing else. So yes, I know exactly how much caffeine I'm "allowed" to consume.
"Did you research epidurals before you planned to have one? They have been proven to <insert ridiculous 'facts' here.>"
No, I just decided that getting a giant needle in my spine and hurting the baby I've been painstakingly carrying for 9 months sounded like a good time. I'm an irresponsible idiot! ...
Of course I researched it. And in my research I have found that many of the things you are telling me are "facts" about epidurals are actually myths. I would never consider anything that could potentially harm my baby. In fact, my whole birth plan is centered around getting her out safely, no matter what. My body is just a tool, a vessel for her. I will deliver pain free if I can because it will keep me from being a stress-pot and will therefore make both of our lives easier in delivery.
"You absolutely have to have another one after this one!"
Yea.. I haven't had this one yet. Your enthusiasm is adorable, really it is, but shhh. In my current state, the idea of doing this all over again is about as appealing as running my insides through a meat grinder. And while I'm on the topic, if we do choose to stop at one, that's our choice. Yes it is. No really, it is.
I realize people just love it when they see or know pregnant people and that's touching. It is. But there comes a point where we all (myself included) need to stop and think: "before I say this, what are the chances that someone else has already said this 12 times before?" We pregnant ladies also might be a touch sensitive to certain comments, particularly those about our size or eating habits, so please be kind! After all, we would never scrutinize you for eating a second doughnut or opting for fries instead of a tossed salad.
I just wanted to comment here because I made an interesting discovery about epidurals. Ever since I decided to go with the epidural, I've heard all kinds of negative things, such as how it will slow your progress and will increase your chances of having a cesarean section, how it will affect breast feeding, etc.
ReplyDeleteAs you know I have been reading birth story posts since I found out about my pregnancy, and was overwhelmed by natural birth stories. Therefore, I narrowed down my Google searches from "birth story" to "birth story epidural" so that I would find the ones that suited my own birth plan. Now that I've filtered my results, I've been reading about many, many positive epidural experiences. In those experiences, I've noticed that there's perhaps 1% of them that result in cesareans. Most of the time, interestingly enough, their progress actually SPED UP after having the epidural rather than slowing down.
In fact, most of the birth stories I've read have been positive experiences for mother and baby. Even the skeptics found themselves epidural converts when they found they couldn't take the pain or exhaustion of natural child birth. As beautiful as natural child birth is, and epidural made it no less special or wonderful for them. Opting for an epidural allowed them to sleep, rest and relax while their bodies did the work for them. By relaxing, they weren't fighting against the contractions or the pain.
For a person like me, who has a rather low tolerance for pain, an epidural is the best option. Stress and panic, which would most certainly overtake me, would slow my progress, of that I'm sure.
Just an interesting piece of information. It just goes to show you that natural births and medically assisted births both come with pros and cons, and there is no one right way for all women.